One of the hardest things to do is to return the fight to a defeated person.
I know that hopelessness from both sides.
There have been so many occasions where I have sat with people and worked through the mountains of doubt, fear, anger, anguish, despair and any number of other reasons that have brought them to the point of defeat.
It is usually traceable back to a starting point if you are willing to work in reverse from where the person has collapsed in front of you, like medical conditions, it isn’t usually the immediate presented symptom that is the root issue. This process can take some time to unpick and usually requires a lot of patience.
I was extremely fortunate when it was me who derailed. I have an incredible wife who was gentle and gracious with me, giving me a lot of space and time to process through things. I had a close friend who caught danger signs and giveaway language. My sister in law was tremendous in her support and went over and above to ensure that health could be restored.
There was an elderly gentleman who entered my life and amazingly understood this crazy brain of mine. He volunteered with a local counselling agency and was able to do for me what I describe above. He planted seeds of hope along the pathway we walked together and encouraged self analysis to flourish, in this way the hidden parts of my illness were exposed to allow healing to take place.
This time of incredible darkness has brought a new light to my life, the joy of writing is something that I had never even considered.
On our streets there used to kneel a man, every morning he would emerge from his room at the hostel nearby and purchase a large bottle of cider. He would retreat like a dog in a kennel up an alley and rapidly consume his morning beverage. The morning for him was spent in this little space with no sobriety. In the early afternoon this process would be repeated and sometime around 5 he would disappear home.
He was not a beggar.
He wanted nothing from anyone, he was not loud or abusive, he just knelt there watching the world pass him by. Many times I stopped to chat with him, and depending on how far down the bottle he was the conversation could be very reasonable.
One day I heard his story.
He was the son of a minister from Aberdeen, he had been married and held down good jobs, he was very intelligent and we had a long conversation that day. There had been no cataclysm in his life, there was no great grief or decisive trauma that led to his current position, he just got too far down to care one day and never got back up.
He was relatively happy living like this and no amount of encouragement from anyone could change him, he was stuck.
A drinking buddy of his did stop, he went back to his wife clean of his habit and is doing great.
Les died!
The people that we meet are as varied as their faces and hold within them incredible treasures. Some will flourish with help, others just give up terminally.
In the Thunderbird movie Alan’s dad said something that helped me greatly,
“You can’t save everyone.”
It’s true, but we won’t stop trying, the last word goes to J.R.R. Tolkien
All that is gold does not glitter,Not all those who wander are lost;The old that is strong does not wither,Deep roots are not reached by the frost.From the ashes a fire shall be woken,A light from the shadows shall spring;Renewed shall be blade that was broken,The crownless again shall be king.