Please don’t go.

trollOnly once in my life have these words rung in my ears, they were unsuccessful!

Yesterday when I was thinking about the whole walking away thing these words were milling around in the mix.

When we finally get to the point in our lives where we have decided to move on there is always the draw that will tempt us to return. This is a well recognised human condition, hence the reason for weight loss programmes, alcohol and drug rehab schemes and every kind of support group you can think of.

In my mind, cravings are the personification of a substance begging us not to go. Maybe that is just my way rationalising what goes on in that moment. Unfortunately when it comes to cravings there are seldom just a few moments, furthermore those moments can last for a long time. I have fought the nicotine one for almost 30 years, I was never totally hooked but let’s just say that walking behind someone who is smoking isn’t a chore for me.

These physical cravings are incredibly powerful, there are probably those of you who cannot relate to this type of behaviour and scratch your head in wonderment. My wife never craved anything and seldom ever does now, but during pregnancy she couldn’t get enough of a particular fizzy beverage. She now dislikes it immensely but at that time she drank gallons of it.

There are those of us who are predisposed to addictive behaviour and this is a lifelong battle that we face. My own struggles have forced me to look outwith myself for help and have been answered in personal prayer times.

In the situation that I opened with, the boiling pot that I was living in had become too much to bear any more. I was dreading going into it day after day and decided quite calmly that it was time to move on. When I announced my intentions I was met with this response that is our title, but because my mind was made up and it was going to be a huge benefit to my sanity, I left.

In one respect that was infinitely simpler and easier than leaving the many more subtly damaging situations that have since come my way.

How often I have battles that I feel confident to have won, only to see them appearing again on the horizon behind me like some hideous little troll singing, “please don’t go.”

The only way to combat these things is to view them as an enemy of my soul. They are not my friend, the comfort that they offer is a deep poison that will be my undoing. Like the White witch’s Turkish delight it is tasty and pleasant for those moments but the place that it leads to is exceedingly bitter.

My genetic propensity towards negativity and sarcasm can be amusing at times but it is far from healthy. All of these quirks that rise up over our lifetime are seeds of destructive weeds if we feed them and let them flourish unchecked.

The walk to freedom, as Nelson Mandela said, is a long one. It is worth the walk though, not to be plagued with things that are like trucks tires around our waists.

Ignore the pleas and keep walking.

 

 

 

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